When your head seems to explode

This post is about a pretty serious topic, headaches. Or, more precise, migraines.

Migraines can be like a needle digging into your brain

Migraines are still not always taken serious enough. Maybe it is because we live in a male-dominated world and much more women suffer from migraines than men, or it is because you can seldomly "see" the pain, headache-patients are often considered crop-outs; too lazy to work or using the pain as a kind of excuse for cancelling unwanted appointments.
I wish everyone suspecting this could have a migraine-attack once in their lifes, to experience the hammering pain, the feeling someone is carving out your eye with a blunt spoon and the bolts of pain that light or sound can shoot into your brain.

As you can tell I have been suffering from migraines for years and it is - thankfully - the only chronical disease I have to deal with. My attacks ususally only last a few hours, while other patients may suffer for days, but in the beginning of last year I had to deal with the pain quite frequently, usually once or twice a week. This had been going on for roughly twenty years, and as the attacks started to get more frequent, I was desperately searching for something to help my heacaches.

During my university time I took part in a study about accupuncture and migraines. The neurologist I went to had spent several years in China and I trusted his skills completely. After a few sessions I was pain-free for four months after the last treatment. Probably the longest I have ever been without migraine since I was about ten years old. I wanted to go on with accupuncture and found a doctor near my place who offered it. I had to pay for the treatments myself which meant spending more on that than I spent on rent. While I was a student. Long story short: It did not help me. Neither did a second doctor I tried out. Maybe it was their skills, neither of them had been trained in China and I suspected that one of them had only done a weekend-seminar on accupunture as he always placed the - very long - needles in different parts of my body everytime I came there. It just didn't seem right. After blood sputtered from a spot in my forehead where he had placed a needle, I never went there again

I have tried quite a lot of things to treat my migraines. After years of suffering and of trying things out I decided to let you know about my experience, maybe you can find a method that is working for you:

butterbur powder, taken preventative

high dosed magnesium, taken preventative and in case of an attack

nutrition: not eating sugar for six weeks, resigning from alcohol, meat, cheese, none of them had any effect whatsoever

sports, will help to make you feel good anyway and might have helped a bit to prevent attacks

change your cosmetics, they might make you suffer. I just changed my toothpaste which basically is the only cosmetic brand I always stick to usually. To make it short: it did not help.

atlas nerve-correction: I had heard about this method from a colleague whose wife got healed from her headaches by a simple correction of her atlas (the most supervior cervical vertrebra of the spine). I went to a clinic to let them do an mri-scan of the spine and it turned out mine was fine, but I know people whom this method has helped big time, so no harm in checking it out.

The only pills that have helped me to ease an attack so far are triptanes, originally developed to help people with epilepsy, they also ease the pain and help you to fall into a unconscious dreamless sleep, that can be really mercifull, if you have an attack. They are the only medicamentation that have helped me so far, the problem is, they can damage your liver and kidneys and are very extreme methods If you take too many of them - as with every painkiller- your body might get used to it and react with pain if you try to live without painkillers.

Acupunture: As I mentioned above I have done acupuncture with amazing results. I started it again last summer and it is amazing ! This time I went to an expert in Traditional Chinese Medicine, TCM, whose place - tadaaa- is just across the street from our flat. I am paying for the treatments myself and it is rather a lot of money, but it is the only thing that helps. My migraines have become a very rare occurence  and I am so grateful to my doctor. I guess doing Yoga much more often and the relaxing atmosphere in the doctor's office with meditation music, warming lamps and blankets help the needles do their work, but after years of suffering from this horrible illness I feel blessed. We often only appreciate our health once we loose it and I invite you all to celebrate the pain you are not feeling right now.

I hope that maybe I could help some people with migraines to ease their pain a bit and to regain new hope that you might be able to change something about your situation.

Birdwatching, unicornknitting and new certificates!

I have been a busy bee those last few weeks. We spent new year's in Lübeck, a wonderful town in the North of Germany and also went to the Baltic Sea. A cold walk, but glorious. I had thought Lisek would be totally excited to see the sea, but he was more excited about his ball, which helped to keep us warm in -9 °. He had his new (or let's say our new) GoPro on his back, I hope I will manage to cut the material soon, then I will share it with you.

Last week I had the final exam of my mediation course. Mediation - for those who do not know it yet - is a method of conflict management, where both parties learn how to talk and listen to each other. The course was a very fascinating time and I gained so much from it, including more self esteem. Nonetheless, it was a busy time, including writing a paper and giving a presentation about it. Now I am missing my fellow students a bit, but I hope we will manage to meet once in a while.

Did I tell you that Lisek now knows how to give paw and also how to stand on two legs and look cute? He is adorable and I am so happy that he is learning so fast. In the beginning, when we first got him in summer, he was having a hard time to learn and I was already thinking we have a rather stupid dog, which would have been ok, but it's great that now, that he has lived with us for some months is as clever as he could be. I have big plans for us, like agility and mantrailing, but let's see how far he is until spring is here.

Unfortunately, Lisek makes a mess whenever he is eating. The floor underneath his bowls always looked horrible, which is what I wanted to change. I took some of the most colourful oilcloth I have and tried to cut a bonelike shape. That didn't work out at all. Now I have some oddly shaped pad that I put underneath his bowls and can clean more easily.

Jeannine, one of my oldest and best friends, is visiting from Newfoundland, where she moved some years ago. As it was her birthday recently, I wanted to knit her a cap (as it is cold in Newfoundland). She loves unicorns, so why not unicorns on a cap? Although I am the proud owner of tons of knitting patterns, it doesn't include any unicorns. All I found on the internet was looking rather boring or stupid. So what did I do? I found the picture of a uncorn I really liked, printed it in the size I needed it and then drew it's silhouette on graph paper. The tricky thing then was to decide which parts of the edges were still belonging to the unicorn, which to the outside colour.

The printed unicorn from the internet

Drawn on the graphic paper. I divided the lines and numbered them, in order to keep track of where I was in the pattern when knitting. 

Turning a drawing into a pattern.

As you can see there is always room for improvement. In the end I made the horn a bit thicker and attached some more stitches in the back of the unicorn. 

Jeannine with her Unicorn hat

Yesterday, the weather was really nice, so I took Jeannine and her friend Arly from Canada on a stroll through the forest. It brought back a lot of memories as ten years ago, Jeannie and me always took our horses through this forest. The whole forest seemed familiar, the sounds, the scents, all the birds... It was especially interesting, as Arly and Jeannine are birds experts and we stopped from time to time to listen to the birds and have a look at them. I usually never do that and it was nice to pay some attention to the little singing cuties. It was like a lesson in mindfulness, just standing and listeing. Lisek was not convinced though, he got bored and wanted to go on.

Tired from all the ball-fetching. 

Those eyes...

And, as you can never enjoy too many puppy-pictures, I collected some of my favourite Lisek-photos for you. No need to mention that we have hundreds of pictures of him...

On one of our many walks

Off we go...

Bye bye 2015, projects in 2016

Happy New Year everyone! I hope you had a good party!

I love the snowflake pattern!

Lisek wished I would stop knitting and start throwing some ball instead...

Christmas at Grandma's

Marlon's unfinished jumper

Traditionally I am feeling quite blue between the years, I guess it usually is a mixture of the dark weather, too much food and the after-christmas blues. Not this year, though. We met some friends of ours who moved to the North of Germany a few days before christmas, as they were visiting for a party and decided to celebrate New Year's with them. We had a great time up in Lübeck, which is a beautiful town, with lots of water and old magnificient buildings. The party was set in the firebrigade building (our friend is with the firemen there) a costume party, motto was "casino". Very cool. all the guys in tuxedos. We partied hard till the morning and then went home by foot. Glorious days with lots of good food and lots of walking the dog. Even a walk along the coast, in the coldest of weather, but nonetheless gorgeous! Lisek was wearing his (actually Mr. Schön's) new GoPro and filming the whole trip. (He also filmed our christmas at my grandma's and next year we will watch his director's cut)

Marlon's cardigan, drying 

Winter is always a time of redecorating and knitting, to make this time as cozy as possible. I got some knitting books for christmas and was inspired by the Norwegian patterns in them. I have to hurry to get the jumper for Marlon, our godson, ready. He is growing out of things so fast. Knitting baby stuff is the best, because they are finished quickly. I have been getting a bit faster at knitting though, (still slow...)

Elephants on Marlon's cardigan

Redecorating... well I have much more plans, but time is rare, especially as I have just written my paper for the mediation course I am taking and started with Yoga and running again. 2016 is going to be an active year! So far I have only painted the elk hanging in our hallway. He fits much better to our wallpaper with his new white colour.

Oh come all ye faithful...

It is very nearly christmas and still, the weather is gorgeous and warm. Lisek and me have been outside all day on our day off, strolling near the Rhine. During the last few months, he has turned into a ball-addicted maniac. To give him some extra exercise I often take the ball with me and throw it for him along the way.

As every year the production of christmas presents is ongoing. Knitting, knitting and knitting. It is not as if I wouldn't enjoy it. Seriously, I am as addicted to my knitting as Lisek is to his ball. At the moment I am knitting a hat for a friend and socks again, as they are so easy and fast to make.

In the picture you see a present I am donating for a good cause. We have a christmas tree on the Carlsplatz, in the middle of Düsseldorf, where children attach selfmade cards with written wishes their parents cannot afford. As we don't have kids and in our family most kids are too grown up for fun presents, I guess it was a very selfish deed to get one of the cards and fulfill the little boy's wish: he wants to have a magician set, how cool is that? On the other hand, it is sad to see how some parents cannot afford the 20 Euros to get their little one a gift.
To come back to the selfish aspect of this, I just love giving away presents. To this day I haven't knit much for myself, most of the socks, mittens and hats have been given away to friends and family. Ariana Huffington writes about this impulse in Thrive, one of the most impressive books I have read in some time. One big part of her book is about giving.
"What makes service so powerful is that its benfits go two ways.", Huffington writes. I absolutely agree. Especially in times like theses, when millions of people lose their homes due to war and poverty, when people from all over the world come to our area to find their luck, or at least some peace, I sometimes feel so helpless, it feels good to give something.

The wish to help others is a big motivator for me and has been those last two years while I was training to be a mediator. The mediator's (or conflict manager's) attitude derives from a strong will to serve other people, it is an attitude of humbleness towards the world. Modesty and Reflection are lessons I have learned on the way and it helps me big time to stay calm in moments of craziness around me. This zen-like mindfulness makes you appreciate others in ther own way and you learn to take things less personal. Everyone has their own struggle and you appreciate that by not judging. This humbleness is very powerful and it motivates to help people in many ways, as it feels rewarding and liberating. Ariana Huffington writes: "From the depths of our compassion, we can free ourselves of all that limits our imagination about what is possible. It's the only way to counteract the excessive greed and narcissism that surround us." She quotes a 2012 study of the University of Wisconsin: "Compassion and altruism can be viewed as trainable skills, rather than as stable traits." Going through the world with an appreciating view, looking for opportunities to serve and to help others, is really mindblowing. Sometimes I have to think of the idea of Karma and I can see why it could make sense. When you try to be mindful and appreciating, while serving and helping people actively, it feels a bit like accumulating; but it is rather joy than points on a chart (that is somehow how I have always pictured Karma, a good-job sheet like in school) As everyhting, mindfulness gets easier with practice. I still remember when a friend asked me what I was learning in my lessons and I tried to show her how attentive listening works. It was pretty hard for me to do, as I am usually the first person, thrusting their good advice at others. Nowadays however, it is not such a big deal anymore. I can listen intensely and being with the other person totally, withouth much effort. This alone is a small step, but has such power, I could have never imagined it.

Mindfulness will be a big topic within the next months and I want to invite you all to read "Thrive", it may help you to be a happier person, as it has helped myelf. Also, if a friend tells you about their problems, why not just really listen, without any advice? Often that is all they need. We do not listen properly anymore, neither to our friends or family, to our surroundings or ourselves. By pausing and listening, I think we can already make a big step towards true mindfulness.

Paris, mon amour…

A walk about Paris will provide lessons in history, beauty and in the point of Life. - Thomas Jefferson 

Postcards for the loved ones who had to stay home

Have you ever travelled with your parents? I mean, after you had passed the age of 15? I can highly recommend it. My mom tends to drive me nuts with all her questions and her treating me as if I had the savvy of a four-year old, but travelling with her has proved to change our relationship deeply and to the better.

Take your parents on holiday and they might go shopping with you to the Galeries la Fayette

The beautiful Opera House

Shopping in Paris 

The idea to invite her on a trip came to me about two years ago when she asked me to help her with her English homework. It was a very intimate and somehow touching hour we spent. I practiced irregular verbs with her and felt proud when she managed to do it right, just as she might have about twenty years ago. This change of roles makes me somewhat melancholic. It shows how we age and how our parents will soon depend on our help, us being the “responsible” ones. The thought does not fail to freak me out again and again, feeling like the helpless and shy teenager I used to be. But I guess this is what growing up is all about, taking responsibility for your loved ones, your family and your friends. (As a friend recentyl pointed out, in case of an emergency we always look out for an "adult", not realising we are the adults now.) Feeling touched about the earnestness my mom showed to learn the English language and this cats-in-the-cradle-moment about time passing, I wanted to spend some quality time with this woman who had grown so much apart from me during the time of my teenage years. And also I wanted to show her one of the most exciting cities in the world, London. She could make use of her English there and see that holiday can be great -  even if it does not involve lying on a sunny beach. Last August we spent some days in London together and as we had so much fun and my mom showed so much enthusiasm about it, I suggested to visit Paris this year.

Arc de Triomphe

I had only been to Paris once, five grey December days and still – I have a major crush on Paris to this day. The city reminds me of an intellectual, sensual lover, always exciting and teaching you so much every day. Full of history and also very up to date, modern and traditional, ugly and pretty, with a lot of self esteem, which might make it so sexy.  I have always wanted to come back in summer, when you could sit outside and watch the city walk by.  August did not prove to be the best time though, as the buzz is mainly created by tourists and the real Parisian is away on holiday. Still, Paris is Paris. If you like walking and enjoy a good drink and formidable food, Paris is your city. The city of light lives up to it’s name: At night, the city sparkles with a thousand lights and the Eiffel tower shows why it is the setting of so many love stories. It is a romantic and melancholic city. While wandering the small streets near the Seine, or watching idleness in the Jardin des Tulieres, enjoying some éclairs in the streets, I started to think about life and about my life in particular. Is this it? Have I taken the right routes? Is my life where it is supposed to be? I guess it is a curse of our generation: wondering.

Notre Dame

Oh, Champs Élysées

Paris definitely called out to me. I wish I could say it was “Je ne regrette rien”, but it was more like “Go where you want to go, before it is too late”. The older we get, we sometimes feel far from our dreams, because when you are young, you can still tell yourself: I am going to do that later. But when you are 30, you feel like that later is “now”, which can be scary. The few days in Paris helped me to gain some perspective onto what I want and the thought of diving again headfirst into my passion for movies and media theory is making my heart spin. I want to be closer to the person I dreamt of being when I was 20, and I guess I love Paris all the more for making me see that more clearly. Remember what you wanted to be like when you “grow up”? How far from that ideal are you? And are you ok with it? If you ever wonder what you should do with your life, I recommend you some days in this city of lights.

On the banks of the Seine

Board on the banks along the Seine

But apart from all the deep thinking I was doing while in Paris, I would like to tell you about our trip and maybe you'll find some of the stuff helpful on your next trip to this beautiful city.

Hotels in Paris are a joke. The last time we went there, we lived in a nice area, in Montparnasse, but we paid heaps of money to stay in a hotel with paperthin walls and a less than mediocre breakfast we didn't even eat most of the time. So after having used airbnb for Estonia around New Year's I decided on checking it out for Paris. You can find all kinds of apartments or rooms on airbnb, where people lent the space they don't need. On our winter-trip to Paris I had missed having a bit of a kitchen to at least make some tea in the evening. We decided on a studio apartment near Gare du Nord, where we also arrived via Thalys. (I absolutel recommend taking the Thalys, it was comfortable and didn't take too long). It is not the nicest area of Paris, but my mom and me were never even spoken to on the street. In fact, all people we had contact with were extraordinary nice and friendly, plus all the groceries were quite cheap in our area. Our host, Dominique, was charming and did everything to make us feel at home. On our last day, after check out, he watched our luggage in his apartment till our train left. The apartment was small, but very light, with a comfortable bed, a small kitchen and a rather roomy bathroom with a bathtub. Most of it had been redecorated. It was great for summer, but as the windows didn't really shut I am not sure how cold it might be in winter. You have a great view over the city and can even see the Eiffel tower, although it is quite far away.

Apartment on top of Paris

My mom tends to be the more touristy person of us. She wanted to visit the Louvre, as you would when you are in Paris. I am not a great fan of art though and especially not of long queues. We went to the Louvre, had a look around and after I had read her from our traveler's guide that it would take up to three months to have a look at all the exhibits, my mom agreed that this would not be a wise adventure if you only have three days. Hehe. So, we took a lot of strolls along the beautiful streets of Paris instead, went shopping, walked up to Sacre Coeur in the early morning, were disappointed by the tent they put on the Montmartre Square in summer and most of all, had great food. Being a foodie in Paris is like a dream. In German we have the saying if you live well you live like "God in France". Very true, if you ask me. Even the smallest café had delicious cuisine and of course, Paris is pricy, but it depends very much on the location.

Louvre

Sacre Coeur

I remember one night, when we sat outside of a very chic café on the Boulevard St. Germain, enjoying great wine and some fresh baguette with cheese. It was so peaceful and pittoresque. My mom and me we are both walkers. And by that, I don't mean zombies from the Walking Dead, but we like to walk everywhere. My fitness tracker on my mobile phone ran hot, while we walked more than 20 km every day. Along the Seine, which is especially nice in summer, as they put all kinds of restaurants and bars along the banks of it, where you can sit and enjoy the weather.

On one of our many walks, a guy with a baguette crossed our way (I guess this happened more often, as we were in Paris), we were both hungry and figured that the bakery must be somewhere near. And yes, it was the bakery that had won the prize for best baguette in 2013 it was I think. And my advise to you: put some trust into those Prizes, the baguette must have been the best I ever had!

I had always wanted to visit cemetery Père la Chaise, so we went there. You find all kinds of old graves and tombstones there, famous families, famous historians, writers. They have a map on the cemetery, which tells you where you can find which dead person. Pretty weird if you ask me. We managed to find the grave of Oscar Wilde though. (It was put into a glass container, so that it isn't covered in kisses anymore. If you ask me, Oscar would have loved the colourful statements of his fan's admiration) I love Oscar Wilde, he is a fascinating figure for me and his wit is timeless.

Me at Oscar Wilde's grave

You can see all the kisses for Oscar

My most favourite garden in Paris is - and was in December - the Jardin du Luxembourg. The French do it right: they put loads of chairs into the park so that everyone can sit down and enjoy the sun. Before we went to the park, we got some (very expensive) cake in the Japanese patisserie Sadaharu Aoki, whose cake looks almost too good to eat. But we were brave and ate it anyway. I love that about city trips, just to go where the natives spend their day, sit down and see life float by.

Le Jardin du Luxembourg

Chillin at the Gardin

A visit to Paris wouldn't be complete without a visit to the Eiffel Tower. We went to the top (not the highest up, it was too windy) enjoyed the view and took a lot of pictures with my new camera. Then suddenly the space under the Tower was evacuated. They had found a pink backpack without owner. The military police was there immediately and more and more police were coming. After Charlie Hebdo in spring, this reaction is understandable and blowing up the Eiffel Tower could be high up on the agenda of some terrorists. It was a frightening , but in the end sadly a quite normal sight. Afterwards, thinking about it, I find it mostly depressing. People believing other people are threateing to blow them up. It is a weird and often disgusting world.

View from the Tower

It was windy up there

If you go to Paris and you love books you definitely have to visit "Shakespeare and Company". It is beautiful! Full of books in every corner, with a cat on the first floor and even a fire (surrounded by all the dry paper, that seems like a "play with fire" if you know what I mean. I couldn't believe it at first) Their whole attitude is positive and mindful, check out their website, you will know what I mean. Even their bags are inspiring! They have lectures there on a regular basis and you can sit down in cozy armchairs to have a good read. I loved it! If I lived near I would definitely go there often for lectures and nice evenings with tea and good books.

Paris in the middle of summer is - crowded. And not with Parisians, but with tourists. We experienced that especially when we wanted to visit the catacombes. We were there half an hour before the doors open and still had to wait quite a long time. One warning: Go to the bathroom before you get in line or even during standing in line as you cannot once you are downstairs. My mother learned that the hard way. Down there you are just amazed how many bodies are buried there.

Les catacombes

Thousands of Bones

Our most favourite part of Paris was the Latin quartier with it's many small streets, less traffic and nice bars and restaurants. We found a café. the Café Latin, with such nice staff and good food we even returned there for another evening.

On our last day, rain had found us, so we decided to do a very touristy thing at last: a hop on - hop off- bus tour. I can recommend it in Paris, not only did it have the most beautiful Paris cliché music, but also the information about the historic sights are quite interesting and very exciting. You know most of the stories about the French Revolution for example, but the way they tell it when you are at the Place de la Concorde, you get goosebumps, it suddenly seems so real.

Paris is definitely one of the loves of my life and I will be back soon.

Life is too important to be taken seriously- Oscar Wilde

A whole lotta knitting going on...

Hey folks,

what have you been up to?

Autumn is finally here and that means: knitting time! I have several gifts to knit and while I am having a week off work due to some collected overtime, my knitting time has expanded big time. Accompanied by Big Bang Theory on Netflix (I know alost all of the episodes, but this way I do not miss anything while checking out the pattern) Lisek and me have been whirling the needles, so to say.

The pattern I am mostly knitting those days is called Water for the Elephants. I haven't made any of those for myself yet, but they are gorgeous gifts and especially nice in cold winter nights. A lot of people around me have their own elephants-socks now. I love the pattern's Indian-Hippie-look! As it is only two colours it is not too complicated. I even knit these on the train, with the pattern on my lap.

Water for the elephants - red and black

Water for the elephants - blue and white

Lisek is watching my knitting. I might make something for him someday, just for fun. He does not need any clothes, neither do most of the dogs around. I would probably be ashamed if I had to walk a dressed dog in the streets.
 I bet Lisek agrees with me on that.
It might be funny to make him something for christmas though. Due to his very unconventional shape (let's face it, he is shaped a bit like a sausage), most jumpers you could buy for dogs would be too short for him, so if I ever want to dress him up, I probably have to make it myself.

The only socks I have ever knit for myself are made out of leftovers from yarn skeins. I divided them into two and then tried to knit two socks that look the same. Well, it sort of worked, but as I am only wearing them inside, to warm my feet. I am pretty happy with how they turned out. Plus, they are made from material that would have otherwise been thrown out. Try it, they are made really fast and you will have warm feet all winter long...

Leftover-socks

Warm feet everyone!