Crises
A few years now I have been a moderator of the LeanIn
Circle Düsseldorf, I have had the honour of meeting Sheryl on her last visit to
Europe and I also very much liked her new book she wrote with psychologist Adam
Grant. It’s called “Plan B” and deals with crises and how to a) get through
them and b) help others get through them. It opened my eyes for many mistakes I
had made in the past, by avoiding friends who were living through a crisis,
simply by not knowing what to say and gave me
good advice on how to help people who are going through tough times.
There have been quite a few existential crises in the
lives of my friends and family. Burn Out, Break-Ups, severe illnesses,
Unfaithfulness, you name it. I am quite surprised how much goes wrong in
everyone’s life. I feel like I have been lucky so far, no major break-downs or
strikes of destiny in my life has made me to think about what Option B would
look like to me. The atmosphere in my first real job was really toxic and
nearly made me sick. (If I were going through the same mobbing today, I would
treat it with much more self-respect and determination, I am sure) But I
somehow found the energy to power through until I had found something else.
Recently though, due to changes at my workplace and
also a fight with a friend, where I felt I had let him down, I have been
dealing with low self-esteem, feeling like I can’t do anything right. Like I
have learned nothing useful from life and self-doubts and negative thoughts
have been crippling the joy every day could have given me. Funnily enough the
resources of what I learned about coaching and mediation and in my
happiness-class in Berkeley helped me to not sliding into total crisis mode.
There were times I cried, and more times when I just felt paralysed, but my
resources have helped me go through that. And while I am not totally back on
track I would like to share those insights with you, as I hope they can help
you, too.
One evening after work, when I felt especially useless
and small, I sat down, determined and made a list. Of all my achievements at
school, at university, what I had learned apart from those, how I went through
the troubles I faced in my first job, how my volunteer work helps others, how
my customers always give me great feedback and assure me how my work has helped
them evolve.
I also made a gratefulness-list. I was grateful for my
boyfriend, who goes with me through thick and thin and I know would always be
there for me, even in times of illness, unemployment or whatever comes our way.
I have the unconditional love of our dog Lisek, who makes me smile and helps me
forget about my troubles in the most charming way. I am grateful for my friends
who simply are the best people in the world and who will always be there for
me. My family also, will always be there if I fall and this is so good to know.
Last, but not least I am grateful for who I am, for what I have learned and for
what I have experienced so far, even the hard times.
Getting away from everything is also a good idea to
clear your head for a while. Take a trip, leave your ordinary life for a few
days. We are lucky, we can just take the campervan and go hiking in the
surrounding areas every weekend. And this is what we did. It felt great to be
exploring and being outside, even if I had very little energy all in all. That’s
another point of this crisis I am going through, my energy levels are so low, I
could basically fall asleep all day, every day.
Meeting with a good friend always helps boosting my
mood and it was one of those great meetings that motivated me to write this
blogpost. I described how down I was lately, due to tough changes at work, not
really knowing what I was worth, what to do with my life and doubting my
abilities. She responded “But look at you, you have a great university degree,
you write a blog, you moderate a Lean In Circle, you read with a refugee kid,
you are writing your PhD and you are such an active, outgoing person. If you
cannot be proud of yourself who can be?” BAM! Yes, why wasn’t I more proud of
myself? Where did those nagging doubts suddenly come from? Where was the
self-confident young woman I was while giving a presentation in front of my
whole class of 2004 in the first year at university? Always speaking up and
feeling ambitious? Taking responsibility and standing up for myself and others?
Where was this woman and what had changed?
I have not found all the answers yet and I am certainly
not my old self again, but something has already changed. My trust has come
back, and I believe now that whatever may come my way, I will be able to master
it. Also, I want to find out how I can be more of the woman I used to be when I
was so strong-willed and it felt like the world was my oyster.
I hope that by reading this you might have gotten some
ideas what to do in the face of crisis and how to empower yourself by using
your own resources.
